We must keep in mind that we need to let our children grow up. Some of the ways children behave are part of a natural and healthy separation, which generally starts between ages 11-13. The harder we hold on and pull in the reins, the more they may want us to let go. Gradually giving children more independence, while still providing loving guidance, can actually help deter them from using alcohol, tobacco and other drugs, simply because they feel grown-up and mature. Many times, the first experimentation with tobacco takes place at the precise time a child is requesting greater freedom.

However, we need to make sure that more freedom doesn't mean more unsupervised time to experiment with alcohol, tobacco or other drugs. Make sure your child has a safe, monitored place to go to after school. Find ways you can allow your child to exert independence in supervised programs, such as extra-curricular or community programs. If possible, let your children choose a program they're interested in. If we do not allow our children the freedom to grow, we may actually make the problem worse.

Exercise 1
Dealing with Messages that Promote the Use of Alcohol, Tobacco or Other Drugs

Children see many images in the media and elsewhere that give them misleading ideas of what it means to be a grown-up.

Using this exercise, parents and other adults can help children correctly interpret these messages. Opportunities to talk about this can arise from a variety of situations. We might see someone smoking on the street, or a scene on TV where someone's taking drugs, or a billboard promoting beer. If the subject doesn't come up naturally, we can prompt a discussion about it.

Here are some guidelines:

• Don't lecture. Talk WITH the child.
• Ask questions.
• Give feedback and positive support.
• Don't label people as bad or good - only their behavior. Drug use, for instance, is bad, but a drug abuser is not a bad person. Make the distinction.

Here are some questions to start the discussion:

1. Is that advertisement trying to sell you something? If so, what?

2. Is that product healthy for you?

We can begin to ask more sophisticated questions as the child gets older:

3. How is the sponsor of that product trying to get you to purchase it?

• By making you feel unlovable (e.g., you won’t be liked very much if you don't buy this product);
• By making you feel left out (e.g., everybody else is buying this product so you should,
  too, or you"ll be left out of the "cool" crowd);
• By making you feel inadequate or unsuccessful (e.g., if you don't buy this product, you won't be able to do this or that as well as everyone else); and
• By making you feel less masculine or less feminine (e.g., if you don't drink this product you're a wimp, or if you don't use
  this product, you won't be beautiful).

4. How did you feel about being manipulated by that message?

These questions can lead to other discussions about circumstances where young people might be trying to pressure each other to do something they don't want to do.

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